What Dreams are Made of When You’re Over 20

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We don’t know how great we have it as kids. We undervalue how much we don’t know and don’t have to worry about because we leave it to the adults. Growing up, you’ll find it common to have dreams the size of continents and clouds. However, there is usually a very low chance of someone realistically shutting us down. Some of us believe that we can make the world bend to our will, rule over our fate and decide what comes next, like the mascots we see on our favourite cartoons. For some of us, even as we grow, our childhood spirit remains.

Unfortunately, for others, something happens when you cross the threshold of your teens. The world spends it’s time bending us against our own will, forcing us to watch the dreams we sincerely believed were possible, shrink and shrivel inside a pipe. Sometimes, we watch them completely disappear and turn into something else; something that can fit in a box of expectations, most of which aren’t even our own.

At twenty and above, we hit obstacles that we didn’t see coming. We’re forced to face the headlights of a problem face-first. The bright lights blind you. Suddenly a lot of things we were once eager and ready to achieve are on hold, maybe because of what is immediately ahead of us or because we no longer have the strength or drive to fight for them. A lot of these hurdles makes us more cautious, less adventurous and we avoid taking risks. In the aftermath, we decide that the goals we once wanted to achieve are no longer attainable and we assume the cost of opportunity is small, but is it really?

Since there is no perfect manual for growing up or being an adult, we navigate ourselves the best we can. When we see our bright dreams simmer down to dim lights or darkness, we give up, moving onto something new and most of the time, not even for the right reasons. We seize to chase adventure, or something that makes us passionate. In fact, we settle for something that provides security and safety or something helps us survive because that is now our goal.

Dreams at 20 are a combination of many things, our satisfying factors change immensely and not just because we finally learn what the world is really like, but because of everything we face along the way that we let change our minds. As we grow both physically and mentally, we’re challenged; pushed beyond what we thought were our limits. Through that we adapt to a point where we want to survive. Sometimes that’s the biggest motivating factor of all. Survival can mean dropping what you believed possible just to make it through the day by some other means. It could mean a change in career paths, lifestyle, future plans or even homes.

It's easy to lose faith in ourselves as young adults. It’s easy for us to let traumatic experiences guide how we move forward — if we move forward. A lot of dark things come our way, they leave scars, trauma and heartbreak ; a stream of negativity trailing behind us. As we try to move forward, we look ahead wanting to avoid the bleak times and the sadness, we relinquish the idea of fighting for the dreams we once had.

Life is challenging at every stage, but I think crossroads come around when we’re 20, because we are mostly on our own, somehow isolated from things and people that bring us comfort. A lot of our dreams start to seem impossible; some seem unrealistic and it’s easy to let them go because we allow our doubts to seep in and make us believe they are not worth the risk. It’s like we let fear control us and forget that although failure is a possible outcome, it is not certain to happen.

We need to realise that growth is about more than just about survival. It’s about evolving, to which most of us can testify doesn’t always leave a nice taste in our mouths. Growth can feel ugly, but it does make us beautiful and as we grow, our dreams should too. Our dreams, our aspirations, ambitions, goals and even wishes. Those crazy fantasies we had as children can still be achieved. Perhaps in a different format, or with more time, better navigating or guidance it would be very possible. The question is do we have the will and strength to keep fighting?